Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacher

I first read Wasted by the same author by recommendation when I was about 17 and loved it. Not only did it outline what eating disorders are actually like but also sought to quash the various myths about eating disorders among the public.

I first found out from my friend Sam that this book had been written. I have never suffered from Bipolar, but already knew how debilitating it could be, not personally obviously but through hearing of other's experiences. This book added to the small amount of knowledge I already had and provided a great deal of insight into what it is like to experience the exceptional highs and devastating lows of Bipolar.

Hornbacher suffers from the most serious form of Bipolar - that is Bipolar I rapid cycle meaning she experienced the exhilirating life-threatening highs in quick display with the lows, the deep depressions. As with Wasted while displaying what would have been an intensely difficult time in her life, she still manages to display humour and surprise about the things she did while suffering from the worst symptoms. She also talks of the sort of remissions she went into when the medications would be working and her life was in order, only to be replaced by a resurge of symptoms which would again cause havoc in her life.

Even in this day and age there is still a huge degree of discrimination towards people with mental illnesses, this book also displays the surprising comments she received from mental health professionals and shows the huge amount of people who have no idea what Bipolar really is. The book follows every facet of her illness from signs in early childhood, misdiagnosis, good and bad psychiatrists, alcoholism, medications, lifestyle changes to improve her symptoms, recurrence of eating disorder symptoms, countless hospitilisations, treatments apart from medication (ECT), relationship problems, guilt, self injury and career.

I really loved how much insight she seemed to have looking back on her various episodes, how they could seem like nothing and over time turned into something that she could sometimes predict. It really has such a great deal of information, along with humour and quirky stories that kept it not too depressing and left the reader with hope at the end and a lot more information about a mental illness that affects so many people.

Siddhartha, Demian and other writings by Hermann Hesse

Siddhartha:
This tells the story of a young man in the time of Buddha who seeks a personal transformation through first learning and consequently creating his own version of the journey through life.

Before beginning this book, some part of me didn't feel like I was educated enough to understand all the underlying meanings, however the way in which the books are written (remembering that they are translated) seemed to reverberate in me somehow. It is still completely possible though that I have entirely missed the point so I apologise in advance.

The book begins with Siddhartha leaving home to join the "ascetics" with his friend Govinda. This seems to be a sort of separate civilisation where spirituality and finding truth in one's own actions and surroundings becomes the most important goal of life.

Him and Govinda later leave to join Gotama "the illustrious one" who speaks and enlightens both of them. Siddhartha continues his journey still though, becoming certain that he cannot live his life through another's teachings.

To continue the entire book would give it away. I found the tone and the calmness of this book amazing though, the themes running through it seemed to me to suggest the importance of independence in one's spirituality or spiritual means. That to truly understand your spirituality, you must find it yourself rather than seek it in the words of others.

Demian
Demian to me seemed to be a novella on self-discovery and finding yourself as cliched as that sounds.

Through traumatic childhood experiences, friendships gained as a result and continual advice throughout his life; the protagonist, Emil begins to awake to his own self aided by the mentoring he receives throughout the book. Women in this book seem to be viewed as ideal, something to pull one out of destroying themselves. Women continue to be valuable throughout.

The book also refers to the long lost (as far as I'm aware) concepts of Gnosticism and the opening up of the mind to spirituality, in the same sort of way (but obviously different too) as in Siddhartha.

I would definitely recommend both of these. No matter what they give you, and they will give you something. I was very skeptical about these books as have not heard of them from anyone else but they relaxed me, they made me think.



Next up: Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacher

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

This book didn't disappoint me so much as it was not what I expected, mainly because I had no idea what to expect. It wasn't so much a novel as a couple of character sketches. They were amazing of course but I really think I needed to read something else by this author first.

Franny and Zooey are a sister and brother (yes Zooey is a boy), both part of the Glass family that apparently features in many of Salinger's works. The seven member family were all childhood stars on a TV show answering questions about philosophy. This early fame appears to have led to emotional distress in many members of the family.

Franny is a teenager who shuns the upper-middle-class life of her classmates and seeks instead to repeat the 'Jesus prayer' which will bring you closer to the grace and peace of Jesus. The smaller section of the story about her contains a dinner with her boyfriend, where she tries to explain away the precociousness of the life they lead, he becomes increasingly aggravated and worried about her as a result of what seems to him a change in her attitudes as a result of this book she carries around.

Zooey is slightly (at least on the surface) more emotionally balanced, he tries to have a conversation with Franny when she returns home after her nervous breakdown. His character is brilliantly displayed: blunt, extremely intelligent, loving, tenacious and sly. I don't want to say too much more or I will spoil the story.

The characters are done brilliantly and I really feel like I want to know more about this family so I'm glad there are apparently other books out about them. I might next try The Catcher in the Rye as it's probably the one I should have read first anyway!

I wouldn't recommend it as a first Salinger book as it confused me and was quite short and sort of left me begging. I wouldn't call it so much a novel as more a couple of character sketches which wasn't what I was expecting.

One more and I've caught up:
Siddhartha, Demian and other writings by Hermann Hesse.

The 10pm. Question by Kate deGoldi

It's been awhile since I've read a fictional book by a New Zealander. This was a lovely way to restart. Kate deGoldi who aside from being an amazing writer and previous winner of many awards has created a completely loveable character who you sort of just want to adopt when the book is over. The main character; Frankie Parsons is a 12 year old kiwi boy who's slightly abnormal but wonderfully normal life is explored in these chapters. It covers many bases: friendship, mental illness, prostitution, anxiety, family and many others and does it far better than Shortland Street does which isn't saying much considering it's such a wonderful book. The characters seem completely real, there is definite suspense and things that are hidden from the reader at first and with their discovery, Frankie becomes more and more amazing.

The development of Frankie is not the only amazing part but also his friendship with Gigs and following on with Sydney, the girl who turns his life around (and not necessarily romantically). The relationship he has with his mother is also valued in the book with his nightly '10 pm questions" which lend themselves to the title.

I actually read a few reviews of this book before starting it, some which claimed the story needed a speed-along as it didn't contain enough interest. I couldn't disagree more. The plots kept me guessing all the way through, the beautiful metaphors deGoldi uses kept me amazed and I realise this book is meant for school-aged children but I didn't read anything remotely this developed when I was at school (I wish I had).

Highly recommend it, I think it's simply amazing.

The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe

This book details the story of Ken Kesey (author of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest) and his gang-like following "The Merry Pranksters". Through interviews and recordings and videos, Wolfe was able to reconstruct their journey across the USA in a painted bus named "Furthur", not only just the story itself but the subjective reality of those involved which would have been rather difficult considering the chemical combinations involved in their activities. Kesey was a member of a group experimented on with LSD, mescaline and cocaine among other things in a Veteran's hospital. After transforming his entire street into members of the psychedelic movement; the Merry Pranksters were born.

The book is written confusedly it seems although maybe if I had been on acid when I read it, it would have been less confusing. It details the ups and downs as well as the almost cult-like ethic of the Pranksters led by Kesey. It also contains recollections of their "Acid experiments" involving giving people acid without informing them. The psychedelic movement was just beginning, Kesey was being watched by the police and the delightful way in which this story is told makes you think Wolfe was right there amongst it. It truly is a unique journalistic story which is purposefully confusing but as is said "you're either on the bus or off the bus."
In a similar way to a psychedelic experience it rambles on and off topic and on again, back and forth between states of being, up and down through paranoia and enjoyment. It sort of makes you, at times, want to be right there in the bus, bouncing along with the bearded hippies thinking the world is a beautiful place.

This book is truly a classic, never read anything quite like it with the possible exception of Hunter S. Thompson. I highly recommend it.

The Dancing Wu Li Masters by Gary Zukav

My father recommended I read this as he shares my interest in quantum physics. In fact, when I was about 16 I wanted to be a quantum physicist, some of me still does and this book made me remember why. It very effectively describes the main principles (at the time) of the very small things in life which of course contributes to how the slightly bigger things work. This book in fact encouraged me to drop one of my majors in order to be able to take up interest papers for a minor in Physics.
My one complaint is the confusing layout. It was separated into parts, and each part was labeled part one and each chapter within each part was chapter one. Very confusing.
Otherwise I really enjoyed this book, it provided a description to the layman of how much we know, and the amazing amount we still do not know about quantum, sub-atomic particles. It covered all the early theories of Newton as well as the more recent ones and explorations into sub-atomic phenomena like Planck, Einstein and many more.
It had easy to follow diagrams of the particles and a helpful list at the back of their Greek names, lifetimes and reactions. It also explained in laymen's terms the "Uncertainty Principle" and how it applies. It didn't mention Ernest Rutherford's experiment at all which I was sad about because he is a kiwi like myself.
Since this book has been published, the theory detailed in this book has been more proved by Aspect's experiment which was discussed in the book but had not yet been undertaken. It found that there were superluminal connections between sub-atomic particles. I am always surprised that you don't hear more about this sort of thing in the news. These experiments and theories of the last century have shown us how the world operates and I think it's important for anyone to understand "how stuff works" as it were. It describes it in a similar way to Hawking's A Brief History of Time the questions of modern physics in a way that normal people can understand. There were also footnotes provided for people interested in the subject which aided in understanding. Zukav's orginal training was not in Physics and he unpieced the principles himself with help from people who have good understanding of the subject.
It also relates many of these principles and theories to ideologies behind eastern religions, specifically Buddhism. Apparently in another book he goes more into these connections.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone, even if you are not interested in Physics, it is truly an eye opener.


I'm a bit behind, other books I have read recently that are coming up:
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Experiment
The 10pm Question
and I'm currently reading Franny and Zooey

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

This book weaves a story of choices, romance, betrayal and how in the end "being" does not mean much at all, how it can be affected by the slightest thing. The central characters are Tomas and Tereza, a couple in love yet affected by so much. It takes place in the communist occupation of Czechoslovakia where betrayal is common place and where words and opinions lead to dismissal and resentment. In the book, Tomas's continuing betrayals cause Tereza to leave from their new homeland of Zurich in Switzerland and return to the continually occupied and repressed Prague. Tomas follows her back and they soon find themselves entangled in despair; Tomas loses his job as a doctor after a newspaper publishes an anti-communist article he writes. Despite this he finds the lack of responsibility and mission welcome and the perks of his new jobs keep his passions for a constant mistress alive. While Tomas experiences the lightness of his being, Tereza is plagued by heaviness: a cheating husband, a need to understand Tomas and a guilt that she kept from what she perceived to be his destiny in Zurich, Switzerland.

It also tells the story of one of his "main" mistresses Sabina, she represents an extreme lightness of being; a temptation to not be weighed down by love or commitment, she describes betrayals as magnificent. One of her affairs, Franz is the exact opposite he is weighed down by the heaviness of his relationship and his affair. He is a kind-hearted man who makes the wrong choices and only realises this towards the end of his life.

This book reminded me of my teenage years reading Nietzsche. At the same time as exploring what simple words mean in contrasting worlds, it also introduces you to the idea that life can be light but only if you make it so. In Tereza and Tomas' relationship, it is only towards the end when Tereza gives up the heaviness of her thoughts and subscribes to what she perceives to be ideal. Throughout the book Tomas questions his lightness and Tereza questions her heaviness.

This book is truly a story of contrasts, of innocence, of betrayal and repression. I highly recommend it to all. It weaves a beautiful story and makes you think about what "being" really constitutes and how much can change with a simple door slam.